HERE’S A REAL CLIFFHANGER: New York Times emeritus columnist William Safire today ponders the question, Who should lead my beloved Likud Party? Super-hawk Ariel Sharon or super-hawk Benjamin Netanyahu?

Safire, who apparently is on an endearment basis with both men, writes, with tortured syntax, “So will it be ‘the economy, stupid’ favoring Bibi, or Dr. Win-the-War, favoring Arik? I don’t have a vote, but before it’s over I’ll cast an opinion.”

Gosh, I wonder whom Safire will choose?

YOU’VE BEEN LIVING IN THE CAPITAL TOO LONG WHEN…You write a sentence like this one and really mean it: “A Washington novel by Christopher Buckley is cause for rejoicing.” -- Noemie Emery, “Reality Fiction,” the Weekly Standard, November 4. [Online access to this article for some reason requires a subscription to the Weekly Standard. Guess a publisher’s gotta’ protect the really good stuff.]

And yes, that would be the same factually challenged Emery who recently scribbled something for the same magazine about “a tasteless funeral” when she was actually writing about a memorial service that included one, just one, political speech. Not that her editor, William Kristol, has ever displayed concern for facts when they get in the way of scoring partisan points.

“HEY, I’M NOT, LIKE, A MINORITY OR ANYTHING, OK?”: Syndicated columnist Michelle Malkin takes up the Carr Brothers murder case in Wichita, Kan. Malkin, who we must assume, since she wrote a book about the subject, is neither a terrorist, nor a criminal, nor any other type of foreign menace -- and presumably not of immigrant stock, either -- turns for expert testimony to support her thesis to: a letter-to-the-editor writer.

“When such senseless, evil savagery takes place against politically correct victims,” Malkin writes, “the mainstream media is quick to make national news of such crimes. ‘If this had been two white males accused of killing four black individuals, the media would be on a feeding frenzy and every satellite news organization would be in Wichita doing live reports,’ wrote Trent Hungate of Wichita in a letter to the Wichita Eagle after the killings.”

Um, gee, I don’t know, standards, anyone?

Malkin’s is a clever little trick, though, and I think I might try it sometime. Sort of like this: “Ferd Shiflitt, of East Overshoe, agrees with me on this. In a crayon-written letter, Ferd writes, ‘Dang, eyve git me here six out vehicles on my proppertee n I thinks risyklin thems goot for the nvirrunmen, so . . .’”

INVETERATE PHILISTINE ALERT: If Andrew Sullivan had turned out to be the intellectual he once aspired to be and actually learned a few foreign languages, he might realize the offending poster from the weekend’s multinational rally in Florence to which he directs our attention today, and which no doubt was translated for him by the Sullivanista who sent it his way, is not representative of those displayed by the event’s participants.

“I’M REALLY BLOCKED. I KNOW! I’LL WRITE ABOUT . . .” Guess which issue right-wing Slate columnist Mickey Kaus employs in the litmus test he establishes for Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) in a predetermined effort to ensure she earns a failing grade?

Okay, I know, too easy. I’ll try harder next time. As for Kaus, don’t count on it.