The Rittenhouse Review

A Philadelphia Journal of Politics, Finance, Ethics, and Culture

Tuesday, April 01, 2003  

Rittenhouse Obtains Galleys From Publishing Colleague

[In case you missed the memo, today is National Make Fun of the Cheneys Day!]

Mrs. Richard B. (Lynne Vincent) Cheney writes books!

Big books and small books! Fat books and thin books! Chapter books and kids' books! Bad books and worse books!

Cheney's latest, America: A Patriotic Primer, is described by the publisher as "a succinct history of the United States, an ABC of the principles on which this country was founded, and a book for children and families to pore over, discuss, and cherish."

Here's a sample of the "succinct history" from Mrs. Cheney that millions of American families will be poring over, discussing, and cherishing for generations to come:

A is for America,
the land that we love.
B is for the
of this country of ours....

Now catch this howler from the publisher:

To choose the twenty-six people and ideas that comprise the book, Lynne Cheney has drawn on a lifetime of learning about the American past, and on the inspiration that comes from witnessing recent history firsthand. Illustrator Robin Preiss Glasser imbues Mrs. Cheney's words with childlike joy through her exuberant drawings. Together they have created a patriotic primer, a book that teaches history by celebrating the diversity, tenacity, and faith of the American people. This A to Z of America frames the story -- and the miracle -- of our country.

I had heard through the grapevine that Mrs. Cheney was at work again on a similar book, this one about the history of the Bush administration. For this project, Mrs. Cheney has drawn on her intimate knowledge of the workings of the White House, particularly the Office of the Vice President, the counsel for which recently performed private legal work on her behalf, threatening a talented satirist, with the costs to be borne by American taxpayers.

Last week, a helpful friend in the publishing business slid me a copy of the galleys for Mrs. Cheney's upcoming book. I'm pleased to share them with you on this special day.

And so, herewith, The Bush Administration: Lynne Cheney's Primer, by Lynne V. Cheney:

A is for Arch,
Conservatives we are.

B is for Buffoon,
Dick's nickname for George.

C is for Christian,
Let's all unite under Jesus.

D is for Dick,
Isn't it precious and cute?

E is for Enron,
Gosh, so many crooks!

F is for France,
We hate them.

G is for Gin,
Jenna and Barbara taught me that.

H is for Halliburton,
The source of our wealth.

I is for Institute,
Where I sometimes hang my hat.

J is for Jenna,
She drinks like a fish.

K is for Karl,
He's running the show.

L is for Lawsuit,
I threaten them regularly.

M is for Media,
We call them "liberal" for laughs.

N is for National Energy Task Force,
Mustn't talk about that!

O is for Odious,
We're contemptible, I know!

P is for Perle,
They caught him, are we next?

Q is for Queer,
My daughter's one, too!

R is for Republican,
As all true Americans are.

S is for Supreme Court,
Thank God and Jesus they're ours.

T is for Taxes,
Too high for the rich!

U is for Unhinged,
We're coming unglued.

V is for Victory,
Ours by divine right.

W is for War,
Let this be the first of many.

X is for X-Rated,
Aschroft's initial obsession.

Y is for Youth,
We haven't a clue.

Z is for Zealous,
Our motives are pure!

[Post-publication addendum: Neal Pollack, coordinator of today's happy and joyous satirical fest, is keeping track of all the blogosphere fun at the expense of the decidedly, and irredeemably, "public figures," Dick and Lynne Cheney, at Neal Pollack's Maelstrom.]

The Rittenhouse Review | Copyright 2002-2006 | PERMALINK |