The Rittenhouse Review

A Philadelphia Journal of Politics, Finance, Ethics, and Culture

Wednesday, July 23, 2003  

Another Ally Joins the Ranks of “Old Europe”

Here’s a true story: I recently met a man in his late 20s who had never heard of Iceland. The subject came up when I was complaining about the heat. “It’s time to move to Iceland or something,” I said. “Iceland? What’s that?” he asked, in all seriousness. “It’s, um, a country,” I responded. “Oh. So ‘Iceland.’ Does the name describe what it’s like there?” he inquired, at which point the conversation ended.

But I digress.

Listen, now that we’re all tired of beating up on France, Germany, and Belgium, and after we’ve come to realize there really aren’t any more yucks to be derived from replacing “French Fries” with “Freedom Fries” on cafeteria and restaurant menus [Ed.: See fifth script.], and having grown weary of chortling over “cheese-eating surrender monkeys” -- yeah, that was a good one -- let’s go beat up on Iceland.

Why not? That’s what the kool kidz -- oh, sorry, grownups -- in the White House and at the Pentagon are up to these days.

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