Herewith, my thoughts about gay marriage: ___________ .

That’s right. Nothing.

Okay, yes, I’ll admit I have some thoughts, but they’re so friggin’ contradictory and, for the most part, uninteresting, that, despite inquiries I’ve received on this issue, I have nothing to say.

Yes, believe it or not, on this topic at least, I’m speechless. (Who’d’uh thunk it?)

This is a weird issue for me. I know I’m “supposed to” have strong feelings on the subject, but I don’t.

It’s like the death penalty. Sort of. I’m opposed, but I don’t really care, which, when you think about it, is kind of strange, because most people go all psychotic when the subject comes up.

And it’s kind of like abortion, too. There’s an office of Planned Parenthood not far from my building and when I have occasion to walk by there I can’t decide which group out front is winning the self-righteous-smugness contest, those praying for an end to abortion or those who are there to escort women inside. All of them, regardless of their views of abortion, sport that same condescending smirk. (Especially that 70-year-old, gray-haired, male “escort,” out there every Thursday, I think, who just really gives me the creeps. He looks like one of those guys who’s only into it for the phone numbers he collects.)

Now, let me be clear. There are plenty of pundits out there whose views on gay marriage are similarly contradictory and equally uninteresting. But I see, once again today, that’s not stopping him.