The Rittenhouse Review

A Philadelphia Journal of Politics, Finance, Ethics, and Culture

Saturday, December 20, 2003  

Laughing Through the Laughter

Did you hear that?

I swear I heard laughing.

No, no. I know I heard laughter.

The sound of millions of women laughing.

Mostly lesbians at the beginning, since they got the joke first, but eventually a chorus of mirth joined by millions of straight women and men of all sorts. A veritable cacophony of ha-has, hee-haws, tee-hees, guffaws, chortles, chuckles, and twitters.

It all began earlier this week when a certain Amber Pawlik, a soi disant libertarian, anti-government, anti-feminist, Ann Coulter wannabe, though one who really likes guys, or least certain kinds of guys, a whole, whole lot, wrote on her state-subsidized personal web site, maintained under the auspices of the Pennsylvania State University -- Hey, wait a second! I live here. I’m paying for this crap! -- the following:

If you have ever noticed, many women who have been with mounds [sic!] of men tend to turn their backs on men. The only thing going from guy to guy does is damage them. If they were really promiscuous, they often become lesbians. On the other hand, it is modest girls with few sexual experiences who still remain unabashed romantics and are completely starry-eyed over men. [Emphasis added.]

Cue laugh track. Huh? We don’t need no friggin’ laugh track for that.

As a self-proclaimed “objectivist” -- Will she grow out of it? Most of them do, thank God. -- Amber has consigned herself forever to the ranks of the fringiest of the fringistas, the “libertarians,” limiting her appeal, in the end, to West Coast techhies and East Coast “band guys” who are tired of the bother entailed in scoring “really great weed.”

Amber’s future career, assuming she wants one -- and she just might, judging by such you-really-should-stay-at-home, homo-hating, careerist conservatives as Phyllis Schlafly (A gay son!), Laura Ingraham (A gay brother!), Laura Schlesinger (Pornographic photos!), and Beverly LaHaye (Um . . . give me a second . . . hold on . . . ), among so many others -- could very well depend upon the international trade in illicit drugs. Well, as long as she’s happy.

Now, of course Amber, who desperately needs, at the very least, a copy editor -- a service that, last I knew, she couldn’t obtain free of charge from her government-supported institution of, uh, higher education, at which she pays below-market tuition and fees -- could not, through her post alone, spark millions of women to fits of hysterical amusement.

No, it’s the blogosphere and its countless readers worldwide, their attention to Amber drawn by such leading lights as TBogg, Roger Ailes, and World O’Crap, that has ignited the unceasing wave of abuse that is being heaped upon this public-trough-feeding student, one who, mysteriously, has declined to reject all of the advantages the “welfare state” she so despises offers her, including her little outlet to the world beyond the coddled, taxpayer-sustained confines of State College, Pa.

I’m pleased to report, however, that much to Amber’s dismay, the millions of gay women who launched this wave of glee, and the millions of others who have since joined in, aren’t laughing through their tears -- Amber’s “commentary” is much too comical for that -- they’re laughing through their laughter.

[Post-publication addendum (December 24): Sadly, No also has been tracking Amber’s inanity.]

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