The Rittenhouse Review

A Philadelphia Journal of Politics, Finance, Ethics, and Culture

Sunday, February 15, 2004  

It’s All Over the Place

“More nutrition stays in your dog.”

I love that phrase. It comes from Hill’s Science Diet, Topeka, Kan.

It’s meaningful and it conveys the intended and appropriate message, but it is also sufficiently and appropriately vague.

To understand this phrase fully you kind of have to be in on it, and if you’re not, let me spell it out for you: If your dog eats our dog food, she’ll produce less poop.

I’m all for that.

And it’s true, at least with respect to Mildred’s most recent feed formula, Hill’s Science Diet, Sensitive Skin.

“Sensitive Skin”? I know, you’re thinking I fall for all of that kind of crap, but really, she does have sensitive skin. I also treat and feed and groom her as if she were a supermodel, but that’s another story.

Actually, that’s this story. Mildred has been gaining more than a little weight lately, and so I decided I would “transition” her (and I really hate it when people use “transition” as a verb, even though I just did) to Hill’s Science Diet Light Adult Formula, i.e./a.k.a., Jenny Craig for bulldogs.

It’s not going well. Not well at all. Sure, she eats it. Mildred eats almost anything.

But “more nutrition stays in your dog”?

Not eating out of that bag.

The friggin’ nutrition is all over the place.

I’m glad I’m moving out of here.

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