J.C. (That would be me.): Have you called [Sen.] Arlen Specter yet?

S.A. (That would be my housemate.): No, I haven’t.

J.C.: You should.

S.A.: Specter never listens to anything I say.

J.C.: Sen. Specter never listens to anything anyone says, that’s why he still has that accent (cf. Henry Kissinger). Specter listens, though, if the speaker is from the Bush White House, the Republican Senatorial Campaign Committee, or the latest poll he bought and paid for, or most important of all if and when his constituents, most of whom he can name by name, including, I suspect, cranks like me, take the all of two minutes it takes to contact him about issues that really mean something to you . . . them . . .us.

S.A.: I know that.

J.C.: I know you know that. So call him. First thing tomorrow morning. The Senate vote on this travesty, this bizarre and heinous stomping on the graves of our founding fathers and mothers, which they, the stompers, have the gall to call the “Federal Marriage Act,” this abomination, is scheduled for tomorrow. [Okay, I’m paraphrasing slightly in this sentence. I have a point to make, and in this house we paraphrase even during normal conversation.]

S.A.: I know.

J.C.: Call him.

And so to S.A., and other Rittenhouse readers in, or from, or at least vaguely familiar with Pennsylvania, here’s how you can reach Sen. Specter by telephone: in Washington, at (800) 839-5276, or at (202) 224-4254; in Philadelphia, at (215) 597-7200; in Pittsburgh, at (412) 644-3400; in Allentown, at (610) 434-1444; in Erie at (814) 453-3010; in Harrisburg, at (717) 782-3951; in Scranton, at (570) 346-2006; and in Wilkes-Barre, at (570) 826-6265.

And here’s how you can reach Sen. Specter by fax: in Washington, at (202) 228-1229; in Philadelphia, at (215) 597-0406; in Pittsburgh, at (412) 644-4871; in Allentown, at (610) 434-1844; in Erie at (814) 455-9925; in Harrisburg, at (717) 782-4920; in Scranton, at (570) 346-8499; and in Wilkes-Barre, at (570) 826-6266.

Now, as one who still believes, quaint as I am, that a well-written telegram, one kept brief and relying entirely upon one’s own language -- and believe it or not, you can still send these things -- you may reach Sen. Specter by telegram: at Washington, 711 Hart Senate Office Building, Washington, D.C., 20510; at Philadelphia, 600 Arch St., Suite 9400, Philadelphia, Pa., 19106; at Pittsburgh, The Federal Building, Suite 2031, Liberty Ave. and Grant St., Pittsburgh, Pa., 15222; at Allentown, The Federal Building, Suite 3814, 504 W. Hamilton, Allentown, Pa., 18101; at Erie, The Federal Building, Room 107, 6th and State Streets, Erie, Pa., 16504; at Harrisburg, The Federal Building, Room 1104, 228 Walnut St., Harrisburg, Pa., 17101; at Scranton, 310 Spruce St., Suite 201, Scranton, Pa., 18503; and at Wilkes-Barre, The Stegmaier Building, Room 377M, 7 N. Wilkes Barre Blvd., Wilkes-Barre, Pa., 18702.

And here’s how you and your friends and family can send Specter packing: By supporting, encouraging, talking about, talking up, and contributing to the campaign of Sen. So-Long Specter’s opponent, the distinguished and honorable Rep. Joe Hoeffel. And then, when you’re done, call Rep. Hoeffel’s campaign office, in Philadelphia, at (212) 789-3700, and tell them you did so, because The Rittenhouse Review so suggested.

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