The Rittenhouse Review

A Philadelphia Journal of Politics, Finance, Ethics, and Culture

Thursday, October 07, 2004  

Inveterate Indoor Tanner

Forgive me if I appear to be on TBogg overload lately. Already this week I've mentioned Tom twice, and here I am about to do it again. And, no, it's not some strange schoolboy crush. At least I don't think it is.

This third reference to TBogg in a single week arose from Tom's commentary after the vice-presidential candidates' debate in Cleveland Tuesday night. Among much else, Tom wrote:

And the most important question that this country faces: When Brian Williams takes over that Big Anchor Chair at NBC, will he still have tanning-bed raccoon eyes?

I was stunned to read those words. Truly stunned. You see, for years I thought I was the only person in the world who noticed Williams's tanning-bed eyes.

Granted, the eyelids of NBC's second-stringer rarely come up in casual chatter. Nobody with whom I have such conversations ever broached the subject.

I myself hesitated to bring the matter up for discussion because by doing so I knew I would face the embarrassment of having to reveal that I had had firsthand experience not only with tanning beds but also with the dreaded white-lidded aftermath.

And that's to say nothing of those otherwise inexplicable pale spots a tanning-bed habitue can develop beneath his shoulder blades.

I was even less eager to be placed in the position of confessing that I had devised foolproof methods to avoid both cosmetic catastrophes.

I'm being honest when I say that I believed I was completely alone with this discomforting insight into Williams's regular toilette. I've been holding on to this "secret" for what seems an eternity. Now, thanks to Tom, I feel such a sense of relief.

Of course, only Tom can explain how he recognized this obscure phenomenon on the visage of the Brokaw-wannabe.

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