The Rittenhouse Review

A Philadelphia Journal of Politics, Finance, Ethics, and Culture

Sunday, December 19, 2004  

Today is a (Very) Holy Day

With all the (very) contrived controversy recently surrounding that which has become known as “Christmas Under Attack,” it is only fitting that in my household, where both religion and the First Amendment are taken seriously, that my bulldog, Mildred, today was ordained as a minister of the Universal Life Church.

It was a beautiful ceremony, and Mildred, as expected, conducted herself with impeccable dignity, solemnity, and grace.

The post-ordination reception, held at the Ritz-Carlton, Philadelphia, was festive and celebratory, yet tasteful and refined. There the Rev. Pierce’s blessings were sought by many, both human and canine. Healings were ample and duly noted.

Think I’m kidding?

Below is Mildred’s certificate of ordination and credentials of ministry:

Please come back for more information about the Rev. Pierce’s church, including its doctrines, theology, practices, and methods and means of donation. Meanwhile, please join me in congratulating Mildred as she embarks upon her latest endeavor.

[Post-publication addendum: J.C. Christian, of Jesus’ General, offers relevant comments in “The Bitch Wears a Collar.”]

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