Earlier this evening I received from presidential campaign -- and all-around -- loser Steve Forbes, the following e-mail on behalf of the apparently cash-starved web site going by the entirely unearned and unjustifiable name, Townhall.com, an “affiliate” of the Heritage Foundation.

Mr. Forbes, who according to the Forbes-family-owned publication Social Register, can be reached in Bedminster, N.J. (Some time ago I blogged Mr. Forbes’s private, unlisted, and unpublished address and telephone number at The Rittenhouse Review, taking the information directly from the Social Register, his place there permanently ensconced thanks to his gay father, the “famous homosexual” Malcolm Forbes, but I can no longer -- strangely that -- find my post on the subject.), today told “Townhall.com” readers the following, in full:

Watching the liberals in Washington is like watching a bad horror movie. Just when you think the monster is vanquished...gone for good...it jumps from the shadows for yet another attack.

It seems like we’re replaying that scene over and over on Capitol Hill.

I’m Steve Forbes[,] and as a member of [t]he Heritage Foundation’s Board of Trustees since 2001[,] I can confidently say that [sic, strike] I can’t think of two better groups to fight the Left’s dangerous ideas than [t]he Heritage Foundation and our sister site, Townhall.com. [Ed.: The use here by Mr. Forbes of the word “our,” as in “our sister site,” is problematic. Is Mr. Forbes writing on behalf of the Heritage Foundation and only making strategic reference to Townhall.com, the web site from which his instant fundraising letter borrowed the mailing list, a fact obvious to anyone who has subscribed for that web site’s daily blast, or is he making an appeal on behalf only of Townhall.com, or is he acting on and for the intended benefit of both organizations? It matters, because if Mr. Forbes were seeking funds only for the Heritage Foundation he would better have, and more properly, written “its sister site.” (Ed.: Emphasis added.)] Together we serve the American people by delivering conservative news, analysis[,] and information you can trust. [Ed.: I guess that last sentence answers my question.]

That’s why I’m writing you today -- because Heritage and Townhall.com can’t keep fighting every battle that flares up...[.] [T]hey can’t keep defending the principles and policies you and I support -- without you standing with them. I hope you’ll send in a contribution today.

I know I don’t have to tell you that our principles and policies are under attack right now. If you’re like me [Ed.: Whoa! Bug eyes optional.] you have read about the liberals’ latest antics on Heritage.org [sic] and Townhall.com. The liberals have never been madder [sic, angrier]. And they’ve never been more ruthless.

Tax cuts? The liberals want to wipe them out. Social Security reform? The liberals want to kill it off. President [George W.] Bush’s [Ed.: How about a little respect, Mr. Forbes?] judicial nominees? The liberals are using every trick in the book to keep them off the bench. Marriage and family? For the liberals it’s “anything goes.” [Ed.: Said the son of Queen Malcolm Forbes herself.] The War on Terrorism? The liberals want to pass the buck to the U.N.

But [t]he Heritage Foundation and Townhall.com? We’ve never been more determined to debunk every liberal claim, refute every liberal distortion[,] and preempt the liberals’ attacks before they spread their lies -- so people will have the straightforward facts about our conservative platform.

This is a tall order -- especially since left-wing groups like MoveOn.org that spread the liberals’ propaganda are rolling in cash. The liberals can count on the billionaire, limousine liberals [Ed.: Said the son of Queen Malcolm Forbes herself.], the Big[-]Labor bosses[,] and the trial lawyers to pay their bills. Heritage and Townhall.com are counting on you.

I hope you’ll give [sic make] an online contribution today. You’ll get plenty of bang for your buck...[.]

Heritage and Townhall.com give you information you can use to help your liberal friends and family “see the light”. [Ed.: Note Mr. Forbes’s faulty, and I’m being generous, punctuation. Note also the reference to “your liberal friends and family.” Have these people no powers of persuasion whatsoever?]

Heritage and Townhall.com give you in-depth research you can turn to when you’re sending a letter to the editor of your local paper [Ed.: Editorial-page editors of the world, take note: Be on the lookout for what we now call astroturf!], or sending an email to a TV or radio show...[.] [Ed.: Faulty sentence structure in original.]

Heritage and Townhall.com give you the analysis that will help you make your case when you write to your [s]enator or [c]ongressman [sic!] in support of conservative legislation.

Heritage and Townhall.com connect you to two-dozen [sic] conservative radio programs.

Heritage and Townhall.com bring you hard-hitting commentary from the brightest minds in the conservative movement.

The Heritage Foundation and Townhall.com keep you connected to the conservative movement. I hope you’ll help us continue to lead the charge of conservative ideas on the web. Thank you!

Sincerely,

Steve Forbes

Well, huh and all that, wouldn’t you say?

Can’t Mr. Forbes just write one damn check and get this all over with? Oh, wait, that’s not good for mailing lists, that which is the ultimate resource with which political conservatives line their already deep pockets, isn’t it?

I’m Midge Decter and I approve of this message.

[Actually, I’m not Midge Decter, Heritage Foundation trustee, collecting a Coors paycheck since 1981. And while it’s true God hates me, based on current life circumstances that is, I know he doesn’t hate me that much.]

Midge Decter

[I mean, really.]

On a final note, am I the only Catholic in America who, when forced to contemplate the visage of Mr. Forbes, cannot help but to think of St. Lucy, patron saint of, well, one guess?

[Post-publication addenum: Sisyphus Shrugged Julia found the missing Fobes/Social Register post mentioned above: “‘Oh Dear, Bunny!’ What Will Become of the Social Register?” June 12, 2002.]

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