I. There's a special place in hell for anyone who abuses a bulldog. (Warning: Disturbing photo and talk of puppies that didn't make it.) I think the punishment in the deepest layer of bulldog hell is perpetual ambient temperatures above, I don't know, 70 degrees! Fahrenheit. But there are still many worse penalties in store for offenders.

II. My bulldog, Mildred, this week finished off the hedgehog, last seen here. This stuffed little fellow, when new, offered three challenges: a nose and two eyes. The second eye, her final test, was chewed off a few nights ago. I'll post a photograph of the damage soon.

In case you're wondering, Mildred has had at this hedgehog with my full approval. I wouldn't want you to think that she's devouring stuffed animals at will. That's not her style. I give these guys to her to play with, all the while knowing that many dog owners and self-styled dog experts advise against allowing animals to chew on toys with plastic parts the dog can chew off because, Oh my God! The animal could choke! It's never happened, and nine years into the experience, I've picked enough eyes and noses off the floor and from between my sheets to know it never will. So have fun, you big girl.

III. Those of you who live alone, by which I mean alone with a pet, and who, like me, tend to get a little riled up when watching, listening to, or reading the news, will appreciate my latest promise to myself: Stop shouting about politics in front of the dog. It only gets her upset, you don't sleep so well on those nights yourself, and she is as sure as you are that these guys are criminally insane.

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