Here’s a regular “Friday Feature”: “How Do You Get to Rittenhouse?”

For readers not familiar, this is a “Friday Fun” feature serving up just a sampling of searches that recently brought visitors to The Rittenhouse Review.

And, so, here we go, from the ridiculous to the sublime and back again.

manoj night shyamalan fan club
Actaully, what I recently learned from devoted reader, B.F., that the real name of M. Night Shyamalan, was actually Manoj Night Shayamalan, wasn’t quite correct; most-devoted reader C.F.C tells me his real name is Manoj Nelliyattu Shyamalan.

Reader C.F.C. still plans to see to “The Village,” which starts in theaters today, Friday, as do I. But knowing C.F.C., she will go see it with a bunch of “the girls.” Knowing me, I’ll go alone.

Martha Strewart skylands address
I know where it is. It’s in Maine. Actually, I have the very exact address. Just don’t, really. I mean, come on. [Full disclosure: I once went to a party at which Ms. Stewart was one of the most famous guests. She would not remember me.]

Jonathan Steinberg
Why, why, do I see this one so often? Are you baiting me? Yes, he’s my former supervisor. My co-supervisor, actually. All in all, a decent man. And I’m not picking up on this one again. We’re done with this, okay?

Meg Whitman lesbian
I don’t know, maybe. Whitman, the head honcho of trinket-vending eBay kind of looks it. But who cares? Now, tell me she’s giving big money big time to the Bush/Cheney freaks and I’ll be back with another story.

wet shirts contest
Which one? Which one, I mean, at which I performed? Because there several, and there were prizes.

ann coulter embarrassed republicans
Self-definition, personified. If personified is the right word.

scandals sex holly wood photo
Holly Wood? Wasn’t she in my geometry class? I’m going to have to ask Cora.

afghan throw dance in the city Renoir

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

newspaper review a black woman civil war memoirs by susie king taylor

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

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I don’t what they’re doing, or what think they’re doing, with the op-ed page at the once-great Philadelphia Inquirer, but what they’ve been doing recently on that page is a disgrace and an embarrassment, to all of those who work at or for the Inquirer, and to those, new to this city or otherwise, who remember when, not so very long ago, a time I remember, when you could buy the paper, on weekdays, for 20 cents, when the Philadelphia Inquirer was without doubt one of the greatest newspapers in the United States of America.

Those, as they say, were the days.

Today as a mere blogger, though one with a little bit of experience as a writer, I offer you just one example of the manner in which Philadelphians have been exposed, on that once thoughtful page, to some of the worst examples of publishers’ “cost cutting,” in this case by the Inquirer’s parent company, Knight-Ridder Corp.

Not long ago, on Friday, July 23, to be specific, the Philadelphia Inquirer devoted nearly half of the day’s op-ed page to a piece entitled, “Flavors We Constantly Change For Ice Cream Makers,” a pathetically entitled essay about a local brand of ice cream, with a few cute remarks about strawberries and jalapenos thrown in, one produced by Turkey Hill Dairy of Lancaster, Pa., a few doodlings that only became worse when the author, who happens to be named Lisa Gochnauer, who is employed as “a marketing associate” for, one guess only, Turkey Hill Dairy, of Lancaster, Pa., put pen to first word.

I am using, here, the phrase “op-ed” with the utmost and most guarded generosity, for this 722-word piece, the very one that was published by the Philadelphia Inquirer, by any reasonable evaluation, was nothing more than an advertisement -- a free and unpaid (more acurrately, paid-for) commercial -- a glowing, all-but in-house produced promotion for, from, and by the Turkey Hill Dairy.

I know a few people who work at the Inquirer. I can’t imagine they were anything but horrified by this blatantly commercial behavior; this advertisement disguised as opinion; this creativity posting as journalism.

Unfortunately, the writers I know at the Inquirer are too good, too smart, and too talented even to be read, just occasionally it seems, by the men and women in the offices upstairs. Too many times, I have seen their work -- the work of so many talented writers I’ve decided to leave unnamed today -- ignored by the Inquirer’s editors, publishers, and salespeople; their brilliant articles, research, and hard work, overlooked, downplayed, and possibly suppressed, all in order to sell a few more ads in Center City, South Jersey, and the nearby suburbs; or just a couple of more home-deliveries in Society Hill, Chestnut Hill, or on the Main Line.

Whether or not those who labor hard and long for the Inquirer, and for the Philadelphia Daily News, which happens also to be owned by Knight-Ridder, are as outraged by the July 23 “op-ed”/advertisement from Turkey Hill Farms, I do not know. But they should be. And if they aren’t, they damned well out to be.

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Just as the NBC television network this evening ended its Thursday-night coverage of the Democratic National Convention, Tim Russert, who has here or there earned a totally unwarranted reputation as “an expert,” “a tough guy,” or “someone to be feared” –- unless, or course, you’re a Republican, if which, case, well, the show’s all yours because you or somebody like you or somebody who likes you, somebody like the General Electric Co., or the Halliburton Co., or the Archer-Daniels-Midland Co., probably paid for the whole damned thing anyway –- though, getting back to [And not on!] Russert, the big-media guy who, in a more decent and honorable world, would still be writing wire copy, or maybe a blog that ranked somewhere below 500 on Blogstreet.com, had this stupidity to say tonight (I’m paraphrasing slightly): “As we head forward I expect you’ll see all the Bush children campaigning.”

Oh, so, Tim? You really-big-shot-kind-of-NBC-well-past-its-glory-days-kind-of-fake-fair- coverage, you. Who, exactly?

Which Bush children are going to do all this massive campaigning?

Jenna Bush? Possibly Barbara Bush, Junior, a/k/a merely, and I mean that, Barbara Bush, the one not, as best I can yet gather, nearly as snotty and nasty as Barbara Bush I, a/k/a, née Barbara Pierce, Rye, N.Y., degree from Smith College uncompleted, the cuckolded wife of former President George Herbert Walker [That “Walker” part was his mother’s name. The house in Kennebunkport, Maine, is named after the Walkers.] Bush?

Or are you, Big Influential Tim Russert, the one with the father about whom we couldn’t care less, casting about a very wide dolphin-killing net, one that includes such Bush-family luminaries as. . . Neil Bush? Or, Jeb Bush? Or, Noelle Bush? Or, Prescott Sheldon Bush? [Ed.: Oops, sorry, he’s expired.] Or, the much-lamented, so-felt-sorry-for-kind-of-hasn’t-accomplished-anything-in-her-life-except-a-nasty-divorce, Doro Bush? Wait, don’t let me forget Colonna Columba Bush! Nor any or “the little brown ones”!

What a sad, sorry little bit of so too overgrown a family.

There’s lots of them, yes, and so it’s in reality “a sad, many family,” but still so very, very sad.

And so small. So very, very small.

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It’s Not Getting Better in Florida
I’ve started to wonder whether voters have a better chance of having their choices accurately counted in Guatemala or Venezuela than they do in Flordia. Glenda Hood: the new and unimproved Katherine Harris.

Mixed News From Jersey
Fairleigh Dickinson University yesterday released a poll showing Sen. John F. Kerry leading President George W. Bush by only two points in New Jersey (an important state: 15 electoral votes: 45 percent to 43 percent, with 10 percent undecided. (Poll specs: conducted July 20 to 26 of 834 registered voters; margin of error of +/- 3.5 percentage points).

The good news is that neither party has yet put much effort in to New Jersey, in no small measure because of the state’s extremely late, and therefore irrelevant, primary date (June 8). The better news, or that which can make Kerry-Edwards supporters optimistic, is that former Vice President Al Gore whipped the knickers off now President Bush by 17 percentage points.

On the Matter of “Undecided” Voters
With respect to the strange, almost inexplicable phenomenon known as “undecided” voters, take a look at Jill Porter’s column in today’s Philadelphia Daily News, “How Odd to be an Undecided.” Pull quote:

It boggles my mind that in the midst of the most polarized campaign in memory, with starkly defined issues and candidates who are opposites, some people can't make up their minds.

How can that be? Do these people get stumped at the newsstand about whether to buy the National Enquirer or The Wall Street Journal?

Vacillate in the shoe store between Birkenstock sandals or Blahnik spikes?

Linger at the liquor store over the competing virtues of grain alcohol or Cristal champagne?

Because this election is not about nuance, folks. It's not about gradations in policy. It's not clouded with areas of gray.

From tax cuts to stem-cell research, the camps are as well defined as a two-lane road with a yellow stripe down the middle.

Not to mention that rancor runs so high that both sides see the other's candidate not as the lesser of two evils but as the incarnation of evil himself. […]

I can’t help but think that in this election, the undecideds are the lunatic fringe.

It’s a clever piece, and one that’s particularly interesting to me because while I know several Bush-backers, not a single person has told me he or she is undecided.

An Op-Ed Worth Reading
From Theodore C. Sorenson, a speechwriter to former President John F. Kennedy, writing in today’s New York Times (“Meant Well, Messed Up”): “Our nation cannot go on like this -- squandering brave young lives and hundreds of billions of dollars on unnecessary war, losing old friends and creating new enemies, abandoning the middle class while making the rich richer and saddling our children with unsustainable debt and pollution. The Kerry-Edwards administration, unlike the Cheney-Bush agenda, will invest in jobs, health care and education, not Halliburton and other corporate cronies. We will practice transparency, not evasion. When trouble comes, we will find solutions, not scapegoats. We will protect our borders without bending our Constitution.”

Another Op-Ed Worth Reading
From Douglas Pike, a speechwriter for the late Sen. Paul Tsongas (D-Mass.), writing in today’s Philadelphia Inquirer (“Kerry Needs Style as Much as Substance”): “Good: Dropped Gs, Bad: Oui, oui!; Good: Mekong Delta, Bad: Mozambique; Good: Two wonderful daughters, Bad: Two rich wives; Good: Swift boat, Bad: Switzerland; Good: Forgetaboutit, Bad: On the other hand; Good: 100,000 more cops, Bad: Protesters’ rights; Good: I will never..., Bad: I shan’t...; Good: Let’s roll, Bad: Let America be America again; Good: Bring it on, Bad: Shove it.

[Note: Additional items may be posted to “Political Notes” after initial publication but only on the day of publication, excluding post-publication addenda. Such items, when posted, are designated by an asterisk.]

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U.S. Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio) yesterday addressed the 2004 Democratic National Convention in Boston. The full text of Rep. Kucinich’s speech can be found at his former campaign web site:

Among much else, Rep. Kucinich told delegates, Democrats, American citizens, and people everywhere:

Iraq had nothing to do with 911 or with al Queda’s role in 911. There was no “gathering threat.” There were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. […]

I tell you have seen weapons of mass destruction -- in our cities. Poverty is a weapon of mass destruction. Joblessness is a weapon of mass destruction, homelessness is a weapon of mass destruction, racism is a weapon of mass destruction, fear is a weapon of mass destruction.

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Theresa Heinz Kerry is on the cover of today’s Philadelphia Daily News, which means she is the cover of today’s Daily News.

Inside: “She’s My Kind of Wild Card,” by John Baer. Pull quote: “[F]or operatives, pundits and others weighing whether she’s a liability in the heartland, let me note that she’s not a candidate and the heartland isn’t stupid.”

And “Her Greatest Hits,” a collection of Heinz Kerryisms assembled by Will Bunch.

Also worth reading “10,000 Brave Storms to Cheer for Kerry,” by Chris Brennan, if only to get the real story -- before the “Gaffe! Gaffe!” screamers jump on it -- about Sen. John F. Kerry calling the Philadelphia Museum of Art a “library”: “‘It’s getting late, you know,’ Kerry said as the crowd roared and then started chanting his name. ‘I just walked through it and saw all the art. So I’m not completely dopey.”

Similarly, in the Philadelphia Inquirer today: “Kerry, in Phila., Vows Better War on Terror,” by Thomas Fitzgerald and Ira Porter: “At one point, Kerry stumbled verbally, calling the museum the ‘library,’ laughing as he corrected himself a moment later. ‘I just walked through it and saw the art, so I’m not completely dopey,’ he said.”

There’s a cool Kerry photo by John Costello on the same page.

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We needed dish towels, so I went out and bought dish towels, at Kmart, from the Martha Stewart Everyday collection, seven of them at once, seven because that’s the way they sell them, because, I think, there are seven days in a week, and from the MSE collection because I’m a loyal fan and follower, and though Miss Stewart’s reference to Nelson Mandela was stupid to the point of ridiculousness, she isn’t half the idiot Larry King is.

(One sentence; 78 words. Take that, Joan.)

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Oh, please. I can’t even be bothered with this latest nonsense.

Imagine: A first lady who’s not a valium zombie.

I can’t wait.

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I’m not sure of the circumstances surrounding this, but my friend Atrios has been outed.

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Overheard, on Sunday, at Cosí, South 2nd Street, Philadelphia:

Precocious Five-Year-Old: “Mommy, did you know that Ben Franklin invented the hospital in what I was borned?”

(Her reference: The Pennsylvania Hospital.)

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Earlier today I received an e-mail from the management of the Ritz Theaters chain in Philadelphia with respect to “The Hunting of the President,” the brilliant documentary currently showing across the country:

We have been seeking a date for this film and hope to play it in the early fall. Thanks for your interest.

I think the thanks really go to you, readers of The Rittenhouse Review, those of you who called Ritz, sent e-mails to Ritz, and filled out cards at Ritz Theaters.

You know what this means, don’t you? When Ritz shows “The Hunting of the President” in Philadelphia, you’re going to go see it.

Buy the book.

Or, buy the other book.

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Did you know, because I didn’t until early last evening, that in this house, the house in which I am now living, there is something that some people call, or at least one person calls, a “rinsing sink”?

I’ve never heard of such a thing, but about sinks, well, I probably should know more. As a matter of fact, the second house in which I ever lived, a house located in Bergen County, N.J., had two kitchens, a rarity at the time. And, thus, the house had two kitchen sinks. We’re talking forty thirty-five thirty years ago, people, so I can’t remember whether the sinks were split or not, but, just let me say for now, for today: I know from sinks. (That’s a Philadelphia dialecticism.)

And yes, it was my fault that last night I neglected to carry a glass, a single glass made of glass, from the dining room to the kitchen, and I shamefully left said single glass, made of glass, on the dining-room table (the dining-room table that belongs neither to me nor my happy chastiser), for all of three minutes, I having been distracted as I escorted my bulldog Mildred from the first floor to the third of this house, she, Mildred, already exhausted after a lengthy and friendly chat with C.F., a pleasant and pleasing act of neighborliness for which I, we, have, at least here “at home,” been punished, rather than rewarded.

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Reader B. H. writes:

Just so you know, the “M” in M. Night Shyamalan stands for “Manoj,” which is his real name.

What can I say, I have an amazing memory for absolutely useless information.

Me too. And thank God for the blog. Where else would I deposit all the useless stuff on to which I’m hanging?

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A favored, a beloved, reader, L.H., recently sent me two books from my Amazon.com wish list: Candy Freak, by Steve Almond; and Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, by David Sedaris.

Thank you, L.H., for this relief, this opportunity to read something not related to President Finger Painting.

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My hilarious friend B. sent me an e-mail today in which, get this, she said, “I hope your packing is going well.”

My “packing”? Going well? It’s not “going” at all.

What are you talking about, B.? The move is three weeks away. Do you really think I’ve started packing already?

We’re not moving until August 15.

Rest assured, B., I have put “Packing” on my calendar.

In the little box reserved for August 14.

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I’m thinking of changing my name. Or, more accurately, restyling my name.

What prompts this rather teenage notion?

Two things.

First, the incessant battering of my ears by advertising for “The Village,” the new film from M. Night Shyamalan. (A Philadelphian!)

What an interesting name M. Night has. So stylized.

But what does the “M.” stand for? What does it replace? Some secret so horrible? Or just something unpronounceable?

Second, and for this I have no documentation, I recently encountered a writer whose name I cannot recall exactly, but it went something like this: J.-E. Stephens.

What a name is that! J.-E. Stephens.

Two initials and a hyphen!

And isn’t that hyphen just precious?

Gee whiz, the guy’s just dying to be invited to write for the New York Review of Books. And with a name like that, he probably will be. The Epsteins (Jason, Barbara) are and always have been notorious suckers for such affectations.

So for me, from now on, no more James Capozzola, no more Jim Capozzola, nor James Martin Capozzola. Call me J. Martin Capozzola, or maybe J.-M. Capozzola.

Serious writers know one doesn’t submit to the Review. One is asked; invited. Perhaps this new style -- hey, Susan Sontag played that gray streak of hers to completely unwarranted eminence -- will get me a little closer.

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What follows is a little bit of ketchup blogging, so, please, if you will, bear with me.

Last Tuesday, July 20, the Philadelphia Orchestra performed one of its free community concerts -– I understand they’re doing just three this year -- the latest at Penn’s Landing.

Near as I could tell, and I’m open to correction on this, several of the orchestra’s best players, our real stars, were not in attendance. That is, they were not performing Tuesday night. Naming names, which I kind of like to do, and as best I can, among the missing: David Kim, William de Pasquale, Roberto Díaz, Jeffrey Kahner, and Ricardo Morales.

Oh, and by the way, Christoph Eschenbach was nowhere to be seen. And do you know what? Nobody cared, least of all me.

The orchestra’s program began with the first verse of “The Star Spangled Banner.” (We stood, hands over hearts; politics be damned, in Philadelphia we love this country, and Pennsylvania has lost a disproportionate number of its citizens to this senseless war.) But ask any singer, and a singer I am not, the “SSB,” beautiful as it is, is a tough one.

Also on the program Tuesday night: Mendelssohn’s Hebrides Overture (Op. 26), Tchaikovsky’s Serenade in C major (Op. 48); Rossini’s Overture to The Silken Ladder; and Mozart’s Symphony No. 31 in D major.

Then, to conclude the evening, the Philadelphia Orchestra played “America the Beautiful.”

The orchestra performed but two verses, and the audience was asked to sing along.

Most of you know the first verse, but it was the second stanza of the second verse that truly brought tears to my eyes and the proverbial choke to my throat.

And here it is:

America! America!
God mend thine ev’ry flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law.

The lyrics, as I’m sure you know, are by Katharine Lee Bates (d. 1929).

Miss Bates has been away from us for 75 years, but those four lines are words worth committing to memory today.

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As I’ve noted twice before here at Rittenhouse, on July 15 and, previously, on June 16, there’s a fascinating documentary playing in theaters around the country -- no, not that amazing film, “Fahrenheit 9/11,” which you should, by all means, see early and often, and take friends and family -- but another film, “The Hunting of the President.”

Banned in Boston?

No, not at all.

In fact, “The Hunting of the President” has or will hit the screens in Boston (Coolidge Corner Theatre), Cambridge (Kendall Square Cinema), Falmouth (Nickelodeon 5), and Waltham (Embassy 6), Mass., and possibly other locales, before now or between now and early September.

But nowhere is “The Hunting of the President” to be seen in Philadelphia, the fifth-largest city in the United States of America, that great and too often overlooked city, all but trapped, it seems, between the dump and the swamp.

One would think that with “Fahrenheit 9/11” still playing to sizable crowds at the Ritz East, the Ritz Theaters chain might be able to find at least one screen somewhere within the boundaries of the fifth-largest city in the United States of America to show “The Hunting of the President.”

Unfortunately and apparently not.

I called, asking, and was told this: “The guy what makes those decisions, his mind is probably already made up.”

“Well, perhaps I might I use this phone call to indicate my interest in seeing the film in a Ritz Theater?” I asked.

“I dunno know.”

“Maybe you might write something down?” I responded.

“I dunno know. Right now we’re rollin’ quarters. [Ed.: Actually, this particular sentence was unintelligible. That’s my best guess.] Maybe you could send an e-mail or somethin’, but the best thing you can do is to stop by one of our theaters and fill out a suggestion card.” [Ed.: Emphasis mine.]

Duly noted, Mr. Tolstoy.

And so, as a public service, I publish the following information regarding Ritz Theater locations in the Philadelphia area:

Ritz Bourse:
Fourth Street, between Chestnut and Market Streets.

Ritz East:
Second Street, between Chestnut and Walnut Streets.

Ritz Five:
214 Walnut Street.

Ritz Sixteen:
900 Haddonfield-Berlin Rd., Voorhees, N.J.

I’ve seen the film. It’s terrific. I would see it again. I would pay to see it again.

You should see “The Hunting of the President,” too. And whether or not you live in or near Philadelphia, all you need to do is ask for it.

Just drop a note in the box.

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The latest weekly Rittenhouse reader poll was supposed to have ended on the evening of Wednesday, July 21. Due to technical difficulties on this end, i.e., my PC, however, voting was extended in Bush-régime-approved fashion, through this morning.

In case you missed it, the question Rittenhouse readers were asked was this: “Who is worse, the more offensive, odious, or objectionable, and limit your thought process not to the inexplicably popular, ‘Mad About You?’” Readers were asked to choose between the co-stars of that insipid television series: Helen Hunt or Paul Reiser.

Now, if ever there were a Rittenhouse reader poll in which I would be predisposed to shout, “Tie, tie!”, this would be it.

It was a close call, but I chose Reiser. Both Hunt and Reiser are terrible actors, neither possessing nor displaying any talent whatsoever, both are unbearably not funny. Both are unceasingly unentertaining.

But Reiser “wins” my vote for no reason other than his authorship of Babyhood.

Here’s a tip, Paul: You’re not the only man who once owned a spermatozoum that found its way to an ovum. And that very, very short “swim” of your spew spawn, doesn’t make you unique. It doesn’t even make you particularly special. Least of all does it in any way render you interesting. (For more on this see, for example, Solomon Jones of PW: Philadelphia Weekly on the subject of his daughter Eve, and James Lileks, of the InstaLinker fan club, on the subject of his pest daughter, Gnat.)

Rittenhouse readers agree with me, though probably for different reasons: In response to the poll, 71 percent of readers chose Reiser, while 29 percent chose Hunt.

Oh, and, Helen, don’t go chuckling into the night. The number of e-mail messages I received from readers who selected Paul “over” you, while simultaneously lamenting your concomitant lack of talent, and the number of readers who wince regularly at your horribly uninflectable voice, ought to make you think, once again, about taking a few more acting lessons.

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Yesterday I bought the report, the book: The 9/11 Commission Report: Final Report of the National Commission on Terrorist Attacks Upon the United States.

It wasn’t easy. The Barnes & Noble store at 1805 Walnut Street, on the north side of Rittenhouse Square, Philadelphia, had already sold every copy from its first stock of the report.

Fortunately, Border’s Books, at 1 South Broad Street, at the corner of Chestnut and just south of City Hall, isn’t so far away.

Even better, Qdoba, the somewhat upscale version of Taco Bell located at 1528 Walnut Street, lies between the two stores.

I’m glad I only ordered a few tacos at Qdoba, and that I ate them quickly, because by the time I got to Border’s the store had on hand only two copies of The 9/11 Commission Report.

I bought the next-to-last copy.

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Thanks to the hard work of my friend J.G., my PC is up and running again . . . and better and faster than ever.

I realized this morning that I haven’t blogged in a week. Do you have any idea how painful that is?

More, much more, tk.

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Blogging remotely this morning . . .

I'm not sure what's wrong with my PC, but it doesn't look good. The message that greets me upon restarting reads, "Error loading operating system," and I can't get beyond that point.

It's a four-and-a-half-year-old PC, so the day of reckoning, if that's what this is, likely was overdue.

Wish me luck. I'll be back as soon as I can.

I'll be checking e-mail occasionally if you have any suggestions or advice.

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Judith Martin, the author and syndicated columnist also known as “Miss Manners,” doesn’t take kindly to blogs.

Martin, who is at home today in the Washington Post (“The Key to Discreet Gossiping”), begins her essay, condescendingly, with this presumably worldly-wise observation: “Yes, children, we did used to have blogs. We called them diaries, and they got us into almost as much trouble as yours will get you.”

Her exposure to blogs obviously confined to the salacious, with-whom-I’m-sleeping type for which Rittenhouse readers have no use, Martin, she of the blue-black ink, then chides bloggers with a misplaced nostalgia for the personal significance and literary value of the traditional, handwritten diary (Anaïs Nin, anyone?):

[The diary] had an insatiable appetite for grudges, gossip, love affairs, cultural pronouncements, social criticism and whatever else one chose to put into it. It was the ideal companion, an eager and sympathetic listener who would never betray you in the present but hinted at helping you to fame in the future.

Web logs have a similar lure for those who keep them, with what seem like additional advantages. It is not only that they work faster technologically. They are supposed to supply fame and hordes of eager and sympathetic listeners in the present.

With a diary, the danger was that someone might sneak a peek at it or even steal it and expose one’s secrets. With a blog, the fear is that nobody might do so.

(Okay, I’ll admit that last sentence applies to every blogger.)

In the end, and appropriately, Martin’s primary concern is with bloggers blogging about people they know. She concludes:

The polite person at least gossips discreetly and without malice. Blogs do not qualify as being discreet. For those who must write down their critical observations about people they know, Miss Manners recommends a small blank book that comes with a lock and key and can be hidden in the sock drawer.

Good advice, particularly since by my interpretation of these words, Martin would allow bloggers to continue to post critical observations about people they don’t know.

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Possibly Worthy Book I
In his review of New Republic book reviewer Dale Peck’s Hatchet Jobs, “Smash Mouth Criticism,” John Leonard pummels the pummeller with aplomb:

Scratch a commissar and you get a philistine. . . . It’s the relish on this hotdog that turns the stomach. He promises never to do it again, but the very title Hatchet Jobs reeks of market niche, an underground service like fumigation or garbage recycling. His alibi for being unfair is that he’s a novelist, and they lie a lot. But his reputation would have long since earned him the right at his various pillboxes and lemonade stands to review any book he chose, out of hundreds of good ones needing discovery among tens of thousands cynically published, and yet he almost always seems to pick a punching bag, or draw his own bull’s-eye on the passing chump. This is lazy, churlish and even demagogic.

Leonard is correct is ascribing to those, including me, who enjoy an occasional bit of Peck, as possessing an interest in literary criticism that is not necessarily pure at heart: “[W]e are none of us immune to malice, envy, schadenfreude, a prurient snuffle, and a sucker punch.” Peck: A guilty pleasure?

Possibly Worthy Book II
If you never read the book, the book being Shadow Divers, by Robert Kurson, be sure to read the review, “Das Boot,” by Mark Bowden, national correspondent of The Atlantic, because this is how it’s done.

Although Bowden ultimately questions the intensity of the U-boat-seeking divers at the center of the story, the review, read in its entirely, is quite positive. For example, an early chapter is called “a masterpiece of explication” that “is artfully written.” And Bowden commends: “Kurson’s account of their dives, and those of others who accompanied them and never came back, are the best parts of the book. At times they are literally heart-pounding.” But it’s an observation like this that makes for a great review qua review:

It’s a good story, marred only by moments of jejune men’s-magazine sagacity: “A shipwreck gave a man limitless opportunity to know himself if only he cared to find out.” Kurson writes for Esquire, a fine magazine that has published some great writing, but at its worst peddles a simplistic, adolescent notion of “manliness,” usually equated with risk-taking. Kurson treats this notion much too seriously, and occasionally reduces his otherwise fascinating main characters, the divers John Chatterton and Richie Kohler, into cartoon figures: “16-year-old Richie pummeled the grown man until he cried.”

Until the 16-year-old cried or until the grown man cried?

No-Doubt Worthy Books
Also in the Sunday Book Review: A three-book round-up review by Ryan Lizza, including: Why Lincoln Matters: Today More Than Ever, by Mario M. Cuomo; The Fourth Power: A Grand Strategy for the United States in the Twenty-First Century, by Gary Hart; and The Essential America: Our Founders and the Liberal Tradition, by George McGovern.

Also, a two-headed review by Will Saletan of Reason: Why Liberals Will Win the Battle for America, by Robert B. Reich, and Stand Up Fight Back: Republican Toughs, Democratic Wimps, and the Politics of Revenge, by E. J. Dionne Jr.

[P.S.: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No . . . thanks a few bucks. And there’s always the Wish List.]

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In a post published here earlier today, “Lady Lynne’s ‘Lost’ Lesbian Lyricisms,” a post directing your attention to “Throw the Book at `Em,” a recent feature story in PW: Philadelphia Weekly by Steve Volk, I noted, as had Volk, that Dick and Lynne Cheney & Co. had done an extraordinarily effective job at suppressing Mrs. Richard D. Cheney’s mutually bodice-ripping (and I mean that) novella (and though I haven’t read Sisters, I feel safe in saying, I mean that), to the point where it can scarcely be found in the United States.

After posting “Lady Lynne’s ‘Lost’ Lesbian Lyricisms” I spent some time hopping around the web looking for a used copy. First stop: eBay, of course. No luck. Then it was on to Amazon.com, Powell’s, and Alibris, and so on, and I got nowhere and I got bored and it was getting hot in here (inefficient air conditioning, not mutual bodice-ripping, I assure you) and so I gave up and went for a walk and to the local library and such.

When I returned home I found, as always, that a Rittenhouse reader had come to the rescue.

Reader S.F., of Washington, alerts me to a used copy of the Second Lady’s dirty book, available for sale at AbeBooks.com.

I would tell you the price, but wouldn’t it be more fun to take a wild guess and then go look for yourself?

And it’s not even signed. Nor is it stained.

[Post-publication addendum: S.F. was destined to be a Rittenhouse reader. S.F.’s e-mail to me included the phrase, “holy moly,” as in “Holy moly. What’s that cost per word, I wonder?” And I thought I was the only person in the (English-speaking) world who said things like that, Batman and Robin excluded, of course.]

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No . . . thanks a few bucks.]

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I’ll bet you thought I forgot. No, I just had to get out of the house for a while this afternoon, so, I’m sorry, “How Do You Get to Rittenhouse?” is a little late today. For readers not familiar, this is a “Friday Fun” feature serving up just a sampling of searches that recently brought visitors to The Rittenhouse Review. And, so, here we go, from the ridiculous to the sublime and back again:

brie pictures cheez
Please, please tell me this search didn’t originate within the kitchens of Kraft Foods.

brian boitano moonie
I believe the preferred term is...I don’t know what the preferred term is. Unificationite? I haven’t a clue about Brian, beyond the obvious, but I’ve heard his brother, Mark Boitano, is a member of the church.

peggy siegel [sic] allure magazine
Oh, wait, I get it now. Someone’s looking for “Peggy Siegal + Allure magazine.” For a second I thought s/he was searching for “Peggy Siegal allure + magazine.” That was a close one.

condoleezza rice reference to bush as “husband”
Ah, pillow talk as Google search. We have entered a new age.

i can kill a whole hennessy fifth some say its a problem i call it a gift
Um, I’m just guessing here, but most likely it’s a problem. Even if inherited.

jessica savitch meltdown
The tragedy that won’t go away until someone (and I mean me) gets his hands on a videotape of the incident. (I saw the meltdown myself when it happened, but it’s been a while.)

adam bonin jennifer weiner photographs
First, I’m assuming the searcher is interested in something sweet like wedding photos. If not, forget it. If so, I’m supposed to pop in on Adam Bonin next week. I’ll ask, but I’ve heard they’re rather low profile generally. (And why not? She’s already got a backlist that would drive F. Scott Fitzgerald to drink.)

rules of juvenile behavior in shopping malls
Take it from a grouchy old man: Just leave them at home and forget about the rules.

peter bacanovic croat
It’s that tricky ending “c” without the “h,” isn’t it?

peter bacanovic serb
Second try, I’ll bet.

peter bacanovic ethnic
Third try, I’m sure, and this time working from the specific to the general.

rittenhouse hospital
Rittenhouse Hospital doesn’t exist, unless of course you have trouble in your mind distinguishing television from real life. (No smart cracks directed at me, okay?) Instead, it’s the name of the hospital in the LifetimeTV series “Strong Medicine,” a pretty good show (I just said that? I’ve got to move off Channel 18, and fast!) set in Philadelphia but filmed elsewhere. (And how lame is that anyway? Oh well, they do it all the time, and NBC is doing it again this year with its summer series “The Days,” set in suburban Philadelphia but filmed in Vancouver, B.C. At least CBS had the guts --and I mean that -- to film “Hack” on location in Philadelphia.)

where to go for happy hour in rittenhouse square
Pretty much anyplace. If you want to be miserable.

rogue in rittenhouse square
No doubt the same inquirer who engaged in the preceding. Tip to the searcher: If you’re wandering lost around Rittenhouse Square this evening, ask for Rouge, not Rogue.

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No, thanks a few bucks.]

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I just caught a television advertisement for “20/20,” airing tonight at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern time, of course) on ABC. According to the commercial, Barbara Walters will be sitting down with (her friend) Martha Stewart in the first feature-length interview of Stewart since this morning’s sentencing (of Stewart, not Walters).

It should be an interesting show, if only to see if Walters goes all full disclosure and everything and tells her audience she and Stewart are longtime acquaintances/friends.

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No, thanks a few bucks.]

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This is how the VRWC operates. Look, listen, learn.

Just over a week ago I posted a brief item here, “The Count Begins: Tarring and Feathering,” in which I took notice of the sudden propensity for pundits and bloggers of a certain disturbed inclination to call Democratic presidential candidate Sen. John F. Kerry “the most liberal senator.”

Knowing a bit about how well the right wing can stay on message, if only through repetition and regurgitation, I thought it might be interesting to perform a little study.

A simple Google search of the web employing the phrase “most liberal senator” and adding the word “Kerry,” on that day (July 7) yielded roughly 1,600 hits.

“Let’s see where we are a week from now,” I wrote, fully expecting the number to grow as the mimeographs that populate much of the media and the fringes of the blogosphere stayed on message and found new recruits in their little game of reiteration.

Well, here we are on July 16, and performing the exact same Google search -- “most liberal senator”+Kerry -- yields 3,280 hits.

The numbers speak for themselves, I think. They may as well, since right wingers obviously cannot think or speak on their own.

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No . . . thanks a few bucks.]

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PW: Philadelphia Weekly, one of this city’s alternative publications, fairly consistently offers interesting reading, including the paper’s cover stories, some offbeat but not weird feature stories, and its regular columnists (on this last point, I’m thinking here Jessica Pressler, among others, and not Solomon Jones, the Buppie James Lileks).

In this week’s issue (July 14-20), PW treads on what is, for most Rittenhouse readers, familiar ground. You see, Second Lady Lynne Cheney, English major turned amateur and childish historian, once wrote a lesbian-themed historical novel called Sisters, a book long since tucked away out of embarrassment -- literary or political, I’m not sure. Steve Volk, in “Throw the Book at `Em,” reveals a few new details (new to me, at least), includes excerpts from the banished book, and wins a pull quote for this passage:

While Cheney’s books get prominent play in her official White House biography, there’s no mention of Sisters, a decidedly feminist, pro-lesbian screed. When the Canadian book publisher announced plans to rerelease the book, which has long been out of print, it received a call from Lynne Cheney’s lawyer.

Alas, Sisters exists now only in used bookstores and on the Internet in excerpts posted to the White House parody website WhiteHouse.org. Whether Sisters also exists in Mrs. Cheney’s heart is an open question.

Cheney’s efforts to distance herself from a novel she presumably spent much time researching and writing casts a sad reflection on the state of modern American politics, where blood is evidently no thicker than water.

As is well known by now, the Cheneys have an openly lesbian daughter, Mary. Dick Cheney’s famous declaration during the 2000 election that he would not support a constitutional ban on gay marriage was seen as a demonstration of loyalty to her.

Then the world turned, and a political equation played itself out. […]

Suddenly Dick Cheney changed his mind: Gay marriage was no longer an issue for states to decide. Cheney was for an amendment. Over the weekend Lynne Cheney announced she still thinks states should make their own decisions on gay marriage, putting her in public disagreement with her husband. One can only wonder what conversation is like around the dinner table in the vice president’s household when Mary stops by for a visit.

But why does Mary need to stop by the house for a visit? She’s actively working for pop’s reelection. Presumably Mary runs into Dick at the office from time to time.

One more question: Strange as all this appears to normal people, is it possible Mary has been promised an ambassadorship for her cooperation in this farce?

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No . . . thanks a few bucks.]

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Obfuscating the Obvious
Jeff Jacoby, self-styled “fiscal conservative,” laments the lack of choice for his ilk (ilk, in this case, meaning “fiscal conservatives”). Jacoby today sweeps it all under the rug:

For fiscal conservatives, the choice this election could hardly be more depressing.

In the Republicans’ corner is George W. Bush, who presides over the most bloated federal budget in U[.]S[.] history. Bush’s profligacy has left in tatters the traditional GOP claim to fiscal rectitude. He has uncomplainingly signed into law every pork-stuffed appropriations bill sent to him by Congress. He has flooded the government’s books with red ink. And he has embraced new schemes for draining the Treasury, including the largest expansion of the welfare state in decades -- the prescription-drug entitlement, which will cost, over the next decade, more than half a trillion dollars.

And the war, Jeff. Don’t forget the war.

Sen. Clinton Speaks [*]
Despite her previous omission from the lineup, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.) will be speaking at the Democratic National Convention later this summer. According to the New York Times (“Mrs. Clinton Gets Speaking Role at Convention, After All,” by Raymond Hernandez):

Party officials said that Mrs. Clinton, the junior senator from New York, would introduce her husband, former President Bill Clinton, who will kick off the four-night event in Boston with a speech in prime time on Monday, July 26.

Previously, her only role was an appearance with other Democratic women in the Senate. Mrs. Clinton’s aides said last night that she would not be giving a full speech, but rather making a brief address before introducing her husband.

As reported, other speakers at the convention include former President Jimmy Carter, former Vice President Al Gore, Sen. Edward M. Kennedy (D-Mass.), Rep. Richard Gephardt (D-Mo.), and other rivals from the campaign season.

[Note: Additional items may be posted to “Political Notes” after initial publication but only on the day of publication, excluding post-publication addenda. Such items, when posted, are designated by an asterisk.]

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No . . . thanks a few bucks.]

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Just hitting the airwaves (via CNBC*): author and publisher Martha Stewart has been sentenced to five months’ prison time, two years of probation (including home confinement to just one home), and a comparatively modest fine.

The sentence was handed down moments ago in a New York federal court by U.S. District Court Judge Miriam Goldman Cedarbaum.

Earlier today, CNBC, citing an attorney for Stewart, reported the publisher planned to read a brief statement before her sentencing.

Peter Bacanovic, the former Merrill Lynch & Co. broker tried with Stewart, will be sentenced this afternoon at 2:30 p.m.

*CNBC-TV, not the web site. Rittenhouse beat every major web site with this post.

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No . . . thanks a few bucks.]

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In mid-June I watched a review copy of “The Hunting of the President,” a new film based on the best-selling book of the same name by Joe Conason by Gene Lyons, recounting the 10-year campaign to destroy the presidency and reputation of former President Bill Clinton and his wife, now-U.S. Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.).

In brief comments on the film, which I highly recommend, I mentioned the film’s distributors were seeking additional outlets to show the documentary this summer and fall.  While checking out the film’s web site today I noticed quite a few more cities have been added to the line-up, as follows:

JULY 16
Berkeley, Calif.: California Theatre; Mill Valley, Calif.: Smith Rafael Film Center; Palo Alto, Calif.: Aquarius Theatre; San Francisco: Roxie Cinema; and San Jose, Calif.: Camera 12 Cinema.

JULY 23
Boston: Coolidge Corner Theatre; Cambridge, Mass.:  Kendall Square Cinema; Long Beach, Calif.: AMC 16, Pine Square; Los Angeles: Regent Showcase; Orange, Calif.: AMC 30 at The Block; Pasadena, Calif.: One Colorado Cinemas; Seattle: Harvard Exit Number One; West Hills, Calif.: Fallbrook 7; and Waltham, Mass.: Embassy 6.

JULY 30
Minneapolis: Landmark Uptown Theatre.

AUGUST 6
Healdsburg, Calif.: The Raven Theater; and Santa Rosa, Calif.: Rialto Cinemas Lakeside.  

AUGUST 13
Chapel Hill, N.C.: Chelsea Theater; Chicago: Music Box Theatre; Memphis, Tenn.: Ridgeway Four; and Tucson, Ariz.: The Loft Cinema.

AUGUST 20
Hot Springs, Ark.: Carmike Central City 10; Kansas City, Mo.: Tivoli Manor Square; and Palm Desert, Calif.: Cinémas Palme d’Or.

AUGUST 27
Ann Arbor, Mich.: Michigan Theatre; Cleveland: Shaker Square Cinemas; Fayetteville, Ark.: Mall Twin; Norfolk, Va.: Naro Cinema; and Sacramento, Calif.: Crest Theatre.

SEPTEMBER 3
Arcata, Calif.: Minor Theater; Boca Raton, Fla.: Mizner Park; Columbus, Ohio: Drexel Grandview; Denver: Starz Film Center; Falmouth, Mass.: Nickelodeon 5; Fort Lauderdale, Fla.: Gateway; North Miami Beach, Fla.: Intracoastal; Portland, Ore.:  Regal Fox Tower; St. Louis: Tivoli Theatre; Sunrise, Fla.: Sunrise 11 at Pine Plaza; and Tampa, Fla.: Old Hyde Park Village.

SEPTEMBER 10
Atlanta: Midtown Art Cinema; Sarasota, Fla.: Burns Court Cinema; and Dayton, Ohio: The Neon.

As they say, check local listings.

(Note also that Conason’s latest book, Big Lies: The Right-Wing Propaganda Machine and How It Distorts the Truth, is now available in paperback.)

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No . . . thanks a few bucks.]

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Stewart Sentencing Tomorrow
The Christian Science Monitor today has an interesting story about Herb Hoelter, a sentencing consultant hired by author and former publisher Martha Stewart in preparation for her scheduled sentencing Friday. (“Martha Stewart Preps for Pprison, Consultant in Tow,” by Ron Scherer and Sara B. Miller.)

Studies have shown that such advisers have had an impact in reducing sentences and finding alternatives to incarceration.

In Stewart’s case, Hoelter has been involved with her proposal to do community service at the Women’s Venture Fund, which teaches urban women entrepreneurial skills. […]

If Stewart does get jail time, Hoelter will be instrumental in trying to convince the court to send her to a minimum security facility close to where she resides in Connecticut. At a federal “camp,” Stewart would live in a dorm, would walk to a dining hall, and could get a job working outdoors.

“A white-collar criminal with no prior arrests, convicted of a nonviolent crime, scores out to a minimum facility,” he says.

As for the New York Times, the paper takes a strangely soft tack, with a sometimes snide touch, fixated on Stewart’s social life, and misplacing the paper’s 1,850-word piece by Constance L. Hays and David Carr, “Before Facing Judge, Stewart Is Out and About,” in its business pages, rather than in the Sunday Styles section. Pull quote:

Far from going into seclusion after the outcome of her trial, Ms. Stewart is making the rounds of all the best parties in the city and at the beach, rubbing elbows with Tom Brokaw or Paris Hilton’s parents, lifting a glass, nibbling a canapé, chortling at an A-list joke. She remains involved at Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, where the August issue of her flagship magazine, Martha Stewart Living, has “Relax and enjoy!” as its cover theme.

She might as well. We all might as well.

Times Have Changed
Bohemian Grove, where old white men like Henry Kissinger, George Shultz, and William Safire reportedly wander the woods in the altogether, engage in urinating sword fights, dress up in drag, and gawd only knows (and I mean that) what else, now includes, as members or at least guests, the likes of musicians Bob Weir and Steve Miller(of the Grateful Dead). Poo-pooing the seeming incongruity (and presumably doing so behind a tall tree), The Wall Street Journal reports (“Bohemiam Rhapsody: One Thing in Flux At the Grove Is Music,” by George Anders; subscription required): “Mr. Weir's spokesman did point out that the former Grateful Dead musician grew up in Atherton, Calif., one of the country's wealthiest communities. ‘Bob knows how to handle himself around fancy people,’ the spokesman said.” And the tie-dye set, too, don’t forget the tie-dye set.

[Note: Additional items may be posted to “PP&T” after initial publication but only on the day of publication, excluding post-publication addenda. Such items, when posted, are designated by an asterisk.]

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No . . . thanks a few bucks.]

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Media Takes Notice of the Parties’ Taking Notice [*]
More articles today about bloggers getting credentials to cover the Democratic and Republican National Conventions: “Conventioneering.com,” by the editors of the New York Times; and “Conventions Make Room for Bloggers,” by Beth Gillin, the Philadelphia Inquirer. (The Rittenhouse Review is mentioned at the end of the Inquirer article.)

DeLay’s Strategy: Delay, Deny, Denigrate [*]
Rep. Chris Bell (D-Texas) says e-mails between officers of the now-bankrupt Enron Corp. boost his allegations that Rep. Tom DeLay (R-Texas) illegally solicited and accepted political contributions. The Associated Press reports Bell will ask members of the House Ethics Committee “to review the e-mails before deciding whether to launch a formal investigation of the Texas Republican based on the complaint Bell filed last month.” Jonathan Grella, spokesman for Rep. DeLay, who has denied Rep. Bell’s charges, responded to the latest news: “The last sign of a defeated and intellectually bankrupt party is a hate-filled strategy of caricature assassination.”

MoreOn DeLay [*]
The Houston Chronicle reports (“Outside Counsel Suggested for DeLay Ethics Complaint,” by Gebe Martinez) two organizations, Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW) and Common Cause, are seeking appointment of an outside counsel to examine corruption charges against House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas). A DeLay spokesman, no not spokesman Jonathan Grella, mentioned in the item above, but this time one Stuart Roy, called CREW and Common Cause “Democratic front groups,” adding, “We can expect nothing but foul attack politics from these sham organizations.” (The statement issued by Common Cause can be found here. CREW’s release can be found here.)

Ditka Dumps
Former Chicago Bears coach Mike Ditka has withdrawn his name from consideration for the Republican Party nomination for the U.S. Senate from Illinois, the Chicago Tribune reports (“Ditka Punts on Possible GOP Run for U.S. Senate,” by Rick Pearson and John Chase). By the way, the best I can determine from these eloquent remarks from Ditka -- “What’s the matter with right and wrong? Talk about right and wrong. It’s either right or wrong. There’s no in-between. And I’m not going to change, and you’re not going to change me, no matter if some judge in the state of Massachusetts or the Supreme Court says it’s right. It’s not right. Wrong is wrong.” -- the kinda-wanted-to-be-senator won’t be attending the wedding, should one ever occur, of high-level Republican Party operative Mary Cheney.

Keynoter
A little late taking note of this here, but the keynote address at the summer’s Democratic National Convention will be delivered by Illinois State Rep. Barack Obama, the Democratic Party’s nominee for the U.S. Senate. An outstanding choice.

In the November general election, Rep. Obama will face Jack Ryan, Jim Edgar, James R. Thompson, Ron Gidwiz, Bob Thomspon, Judy Baar Topinka, Mike Ditka, Andrea Grubb Barthwell . . . I don’t know, maybe they’ll go with that guy down at the Amoco station in Peoria.

[Note: Additional items may be posted to “Political Notes” after initial publication but only on the day of publication, excluding post-publication addenda. Such items, when posted, are designated by an asterisk.]

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No . . . thanks a few bucks.]

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In the last, the final, I think, weekly poll at The Rittenhouse Review about the hit NBC television series “Law & Order,” a poll ended earlier this evening, readers here were asked to choose which were the better Manhattan district attorney on “Law & Order,” having been offered a choice between Michael Moriarty and Sam Waterston.

In this particular poll you, my Rittenhouse readers, chose, and I say this at the risk of current and future traffic, foolishly chose, and that by a margin of two-to-one, the tiresome, the overdone, the I’ve-had-it-with-him, ’60s refugee/leftover Waterston (and I’m speaking here about the character not the actor, I think) over the obviously superior dramatic genius, Michael Moriarty.

Pul-leeze! This one wasn’t anywhere near difficult.

Regardless of your misguidedness, or not, thank you for your participation in the weekly reader poll.

A new poll was posted here at Rittenhouse earlier this evening.

Popular culture, again. And when I say “popular,” I mean it, because, well, there’s just no other explanation for these two.

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No . . . thanks a few bucks.]

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As noted here previously, the house in which I’m currently living, in Society Hill, Philadelphia, is on the market for $1,600,000.00. (N.B.: I get none of this. I’ve earned none of this. I deserve none of this. I’m what’s best called a “hanger on.” And if you say “moocher,” well, I’ll cut you off. But I can’t really do that, can I, this site being free and all?)

Since there’s no exclusive, the customary six-percent realtors’ commission, normally reduced to five percent in what these people like (or get really, really excited about) calling “the upper brackets,” typically is reduced to five percent.

Now, my bulldog, Mildred, during the numerous (multiple, constant, ongoing, seemingly unending) showings of said “million-six” property, has proved herself to be a major selling point among more than a majority of prospects.

(Hint: Once you get above “a million two,” you encounter a large number of doggie people. Mostly on the wifely side. Today’s prospect proof in point.)

I didn’t say anything at first, and I still haven’t, but as we approach closing, which I expect will occur before or by mid-August, I’ve always known Mildred could be, would be, a major asset. She has not done me wrong.

And so I’m writing up a little agreement. In the event a prospect, or more important, the buyer, gushes at closing or previously has gushed about Mildred, we’re asking for a 0.25 percent finders’ fee.

You don’t like it? See you in court. (And we’re open to a modest settlement.)

Before I get sued, file under: humor; see also: parody.

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No . . . thanks a few bucks.]

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J.C. (That would be me.): Have you called [Sen.] Arlen Specter yet?

S.A. (That would be my housemate.): No, I haven’t.

J.C.: You should.

S.A.: Specter never listens to anything I say.

J.C.: Sen. Specter never listens to anything anyone says, that’s why he still has that accent (cf. Henry Kissinger). Specter listens, though, if the speaker is from the Bush White House, the Republican Senatorial Campaign Committee, or the latest poll he bought and paid for, or most important of all if and when his constituents, most of whom he can name by name, including, I suspect, cranks like me, take the all of two minutes it takes to contact him about issues that really mean something to you . . . them . . .us.

S.A.: I know that.

J.C.: I know you know that. So call him. First thing tomorrow morning. The Senate vote on this travesty, this bizarre and heinous stomping on the graves of our founding fathers and mothers, which they, the stompers, have the gall to call the “Federal Marriage Act,” this abomination, is scheduled for tomorrow. [Okay, I’m paraphrasing slightly in this sentence. I have a point to make, and in this house we paraphrase even during normal conversation.]

S.A.: I know.

J.C.: Call him.

And so to S.A., and other Rittenhouse readers in, or from, or at least vaguely familiar with Pennsylvania, here’s how you can reach Sen. Specter by telephone: in Washington, at (800) 839-5276, or at (202) 224-4254; in Philadelphia, at (215) 597-7200; in Pittsburgh, at (412) 644-3400; in Allentown, at (610) 434-1444; in Erie at (814) 453-3010; in Harrisburg, at (717) 782-3951; in Scranton, at (570) 346-2006; and in Wilkes-Barre, at (570) 826-6265.

And here’s how you can reach Sen. Specter by fax: in Washington, at (202) 228-1229; in Philadelphia, at (215) 597-0406; in Pittsburgh, at (412) 644-4871; in Allentown, at (610) 434-1844; in Erie at (814) 455-9925; in Harrisburg, at (717) 782-4920; in Scranton, at (570) 346-8499; and in Wilkes-Barre, at (570) 826-6266.

Now, as one who still believes, quaint as I am, that a well-written telegram, one kept brief and relying entirely upon one’s own language -- and believe it or not, you can still send these things -- you may reach Sen. Specter by telegram: at Washington, 711 Hart Senate Office Building, Washington, D.C., 20510; at Philadelphia, 600 Arch St., Suite 9400, Philadelphia, Pa., 19106; at Pittsburgh, The Federal Building, Suite 2031, Liberty Ave. and Grant St., Pittsburgh, Pa., 15222; at Allentown, The Federal Building, Suite 3814, 504 W. Hamilton, Allentown, Pa., 18101; at Erie, The Federal Building, Room 107, 6th and State Streets, Erie, Pa., 16504; at Harrisburg, The Federal Building, Room 1104, 228 Walnut St., Harrisburg, Pa., 17101; at Scranton, 310 Spruce St., Suite 201, Scranton, Pa., 18503; and at Wilkes-Barre, The Stegmaier Building, Room 377M, 7 N. Wilkes Barre Blvd., Wilkes-Barre, Pa., 18702.

And here’s how you and your friends and family can send Specter packing: By supporting, encouraging, talking about, talking up, and contributing to the campaign of Sen. So-Long Specter’s opponent, the distinguished and honorable Rep. Joe Hoeffel. And then, when you’re done, call Rep. Hoeffel’s campaign office, in Philadelphia, at (212) 789-3700, and tell them you did so, because The Rittenhouse Review so suggested.

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Condolences
Condolences are in order to Susan Madrak of Suburban Guerrilla on the tragic murder of her South African friend, Yvonne Welman.

Stewart Sentencing
Kmart today is advertising a in-store sale on Martha Stewart Everyday bedding. Meanwhile, in case you haven’t been keeping track at home, or in the event you’ve forgotten all about it, publisher Martha Stewart’s sentencing hearing is scheduled for Friday in federal court. Observers apparently expect Stewart to be sentenced to 16 months in prison.

By comparison, Ruthann Aron, a wealthy real estate speculator from Potomac, Md., and once considered a rising star in the Maryland Republican Party, in 1998 was sentenced to three years in county jail for hiring a hit man to kill two men: her husband and a political opponent, and that after putting the state of Maryland through two trials (the first a mistrial).

To me the comparison between Stewart and Aron is just another example of justice mumbling.

Things Move Slower Out There
Gee whiz, I thought things moved, or at least are completed, slowly here in Philadelphia, but it appears Chicago is giving us a run for our money. The New York Times today reports (“A Prized Project, a Mayor, and Persistent Criticism,” by Steven Kinzer):

Even in a city with a worldwide reputation for innovative urban design, the opening this month of a spectacular new park and performance center near Lake Michigan promises to be a huge event.

The site, Millennium Park, is opening four years late and at three times the original budget, but few here are complaining. The park boasts an outdoor music pavilion designed by Frank Gehry, complete with his signature swirls of shiny metal; an underground theater with 1,500 seats; elaborate gardens with 250 varieties of plants; and other attractions that include an ice skating rink and a shower room for bicyclists.

I blame Frank Gehry. But then again, I blame Gehry for many things.

Where in the World is Palau?
The Los Angeles Times Sunday Travel section reports on Palau:

Despite its popularity with divers -- Jacques Cousteau was among its boosters -- Palau is relatively undiscovered. It’s off the radar of most Americans, with fewer than 3,000 visiting last year. Only about 70,000 visitors arrived overall, the size of the weekend crowd at a U.S. theme park.

Actually, Palau I’ve heard of. Not from staring at maps or anything; only because “Palau” often appears just above “Pennsylvania” on drop-down menus across the web.

“Your Ad Here”
Here’s an idea, one by way of Germany, for churches facing financial crises, or even bankruptcy. The Christian Science Monitor reports today (“First the Church, Then the Steeple,” by Isabelle de Pommereau):

Throughout Germany, churches are renting their facades for commercial messages. Supporters hail the development as an ingenious fundraising tactic. But critics argue the move dilutes the sacredness of churches. . . . The first controversial case arose in Berlin when an oversized portrait of German model Claudia Schiffer, promoting lipstick and shampoo from the French cosmetics company L’Oréal, wrapped the scaffolding around the 167-ft. bell tower of Germany’s best-known church.

Perhaps the Archdiocese of Boston could have avoided mortgaging the Cathedral of the Holy Cross.

[Note: Additional items may be posted to “PP&T” after initial publication but only on the day of publication, excluding post-publication addenda. Such items, when posted, are designated by an asterisk.]

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Stating the Obvious [*]
The General Accounting Office, the investigative arm of the U.S. Congress has released a report calling the federal government’s color-coded threat system too vague and confusing to help many local and state law-enforcement officials prepare for possible terrorist attacks. According to the New York Times Press Service, “A survey sent to 84 agencies, states, and U.S. territories as part of the study found that vague and inadequate warnings had ‘hindered their ability to determine whether they were at risk’ and what protective measures to take in response, the report said.”

Rep. Jim Turner (D-Texas) said, stating the obvious, “I’m afraid if we don’t make improvements in the system, the public’s going to lose trust and confidence in that system and won’t pay any attention to it anymore.” The Times press service reports a spokesman for the Department of Homeland Security defended the color-coded alert system, countering with unintential (I think) obfuscation: “The homeland security system is a good system. Over the past year, it has continued to evolve into more of a risk-based system because we are farther along in our assessment of the nation’s critical infrastructure, allowing us to determine the impact an attack would have.”

Because Politics Ain’t Beanbag
Illinois Republicans still haven’t found a U.S. Senate candidate to replace Jack Ryan. The latest name being tossed around: former Chicago Bears coach Mike Ditka. The Chicago Tribune reports (“Ditka Tells GOP He’s Game,” by Rick Pearson):

[T]he 64-year-old Ditka . . . is causing a commotion among Republicans, who have been despairing over finding a replacement for Jack Ryan as their U.S. Senate nominee. . . .

The dearth of well-known names interested in replacing Ryan resulted in a draft Ditka for Senate movement. It was an offshoot of what had been a publicity-seeking effort by Illinois House Republican leader Tom Cross’[s] staff to tap Ditka to replace state Treasurer Judy Baar Topinka as leader of the state GOP when she steps down after the Nov. 2 election. […]

But talk of a Ditka candidacy also has been viewed by some Republicans as a reflection of desperation for a once-proud political organization that has seen its credibility damaged by scandal and infighting.

And so the Illinois Republican Party implosion continues.

[Note: Additional items may be posted to “Political Notes” after initial publication but only on the day of publication, excluding post-publication addenda. Such items, when posted, are designated by an asterisk.]

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File Under: Why Should We Care? [*]
Why should we care what Second Lady Lynne Cheney thinks about anything, let alone what she thinks about amending the Constitution of the United States of America? These always carefully timed stories of wifely Republican disagreements, let alone the daughterly Republican disagreements became trite and tiresome more than twenty-five years ago.

Which Kind of Liar: Congenital or Pathological? [*]
Whenever the term “Bush Republicans” comes up in conversation (and it really does), I reach for my wallet. The junta’s latest trial balloon has me -- or should I say them reaching for my ballot box. The Associated Press is out with this story:

The head of a new federal voting commission suggested to congressional leaders Monday that there should be a process for canceling or rescheduling an election interrupted by terrorism, but national security adviser Condoleezza Rice said no such plan is being considered by the administration.

Yeah, right, Rice says so. The only person is the Bush administration with less credibility than Rice is Vice President Dick Cheney.

Swing State Watch [*]
Huh. I didn’t know Idaho was a swing state. From the Associated Press:

The Bush administration Monday proposed lifting a national rule that closed remote areas of national forests to logging, instead saying states should decide whether to keep a ban on road-building in those areas. […]

Under the proposal, governors would have to petition the federal government to block road-building in remote areas of national forests. Allowing roads to be built would open the areas to logging.

The rule replaces one adopted by the Clinton administration and still under challenge in federal court. It covers about 58 million of the 191 million acres of national forest nationwide.

The Bush administration heralded the plan as an end to the legal uncertainty overshadowing tens of millions of acres of America’s backcountry.

Philip Clapp, president of the National Environmental Trust, called the administration proposal the biggest giveaway to the timber industry in history, arguing that many western states would likely press for development to help struggling rural economies.

Timing is everything: “The new plan will be published in the Federal Register this week, and will go into effect after a 60-day comment period extending into September and subsequent departmental review,” the A.P. reports.

Reckoning DeLay
The Washington Post lays out to latest on par-for-the course Texas Republican Tom DeLay (“DeLay’s Corporate Fundraising Investigated,” by R. Jeffrey Smith):

DeLay’s fundraising efforts helped produce a stunning political success. Republicans took control of the Texas House for the first time in 130 years, Texas congressional districts were redrawn to send more Republican lawmakers to Washington, and DeLay -- now the House majority leader -- is more likely to retain his powerful post after the November election, according to political experts.

But DeLay and his colleagues also face serious legal challenges: Texas law bars corporate financing of state legislature campaigns, and a Texas criminal prosecutor is in the 20th month of digging through records of the fundraising, looking at possible violations of at least three statutes. A parallel lawsuit, also in the midst of discovery, is seeking $1.5 million in damages from DeLay’s aides and one of his political action committees -- Texans for a Republican Majority (TRMPAC) -- on behalf of four defeated Democratic lawmakers.

DeLay has not been named as a target of the investigation. The prosecutor has said he is focused on the activities of political action committees linked to DeLay and the redistricting effort. But officials in the prosecutor’s office say anyone involved in raising, collecting or spending the corporate money, who also knew of its intended use in Texas elections, is vulnerable.

For background, see excellent long-running commentary on the TRMPAC scam and other sleaze, see Texas Scandal Blog, published by Austin-based Campaigns for Texas.

Times Square Ad Controversy
The New York Times today reports “Antiwar Group Says Its Ad Is Rejected,” by Raymond Hernandez and Andrea Elliott) that members of Project Billboard, an antiwar group, claim Clear Channel Communications Inc., a media megalopolis with close ties to Republicans, have rejected an advertisement proposed for in New York’s Times Square during the Republican Party the billboard. Clear Channel says the billboard requires the approval of the New York Marquis, a Marriott hotel.

See also “Bay Area Group in Flap Over Anti-war Billboard,” by Demian Bulwa and Leah Garchik, the San Francisco. )

Terror Alert Status Photos Down
Access to and publication of the terror alert status photos and other images at Rittenhouse has been interrupted temporarily. Photos will return as soon as practicable.

[Note: Additional items may be posted to “Political Notes” after initial publication but only on the day of publication, excluding post-publication addenda. Such items, when posted, are designated by an asterisk.]

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So how cool a name is Eleuthera anyway?

What I can’t believe is that Mrs. Hugo Gurdon hasn’t already staked a claim to it.

I would put “Eleuthera” in the file of future bulldog names, but around these parts, bulldogs’ names begin only with the letter “M”: Mildred, Mona, Montgomery.

So far it’s working for us, and we’re sticking with it.

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Happy birthday to my father’s sister Margaret.

For those not keeping track at home, she’s two hundred and twelve.

Or maybe it just feels that way.

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Call 1 (800) 839-5276.

Ask for Senator Arlen Specter (R-Pa.).

They may tell you his line is busy.

They really might. I know it’s 2004 and everything, and nobody ever gets or gives a busy signal anymore, so ask them to keep trying.

Here are some Pennsylvania hometowns, one of which you might want to adopt before you call: Allentown, Altoona, Bethlehem, Bird in Hand, Easton, Economy, Egypt, Erie, Fairchance, Harrisburg, Intercourse, Jim Thorpe, Jersey Shore, Johnstown, King of Prussia, Lancaster, Lover, Mexico, New Hope, Oil City, Paint, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Scranton, Spry, Stalker, State College, Walnut Bottom, Wilkes-Barre [Careful! Tricky pronunciation.], Williamsport, Wyoming, York.

Just pick one. It’s fun. And if you think right wingers don’t do this every day . . .

[Post-publication addendum: By the way, as of 2:15 p.m. (Eastern time, of course) today, “the senator” still hadn’t decided how he will vote on the Federal Marriage Amendment. Go ahead, click through to the link. It’s not what you think.]

[Post-publication addendum: I just called the office of Sen. Barbara Mikulski (D-Md.). I was informed Sen. Mikulski is opposed and will vote against.]

[Post-publication addendum: Yeah, I lied. I said I was from Towson.]

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Sen. Arlen Specter (R-Pa.) today took a moment out of his no doubt busy day to write to Rittenhouse:

Thank you for contacting my office regarding the proposed amendment to the United States Constitution to define marriage as only a union between a man and woman. I appreciate hearing from you on this matter.

I appreciate the goal of this amendment. In 1996, I joined my colleagues in passing H.R. 3396, the Defense of Marriage Act. This Act, signed into law by President Clinton, federally defines marriage as a legal union between one man and one woman. The law also allows a state to refuse to honor a same-sex marriage performed in any other state.

Although I supported a statutory solution, amending the Constitution is a more serious step, and one we should never take lightly. This is a very difficult issue that requires careful consideration and thought. I will definitely keep your thoughts on this issue in mind should the Senate consider this or any other similar legislation. Should you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact my office or visit my website at HYPERLINK "http://specter.senate.gov/"http://specter.senate.gov.

So, may I ask again? How will you be voting, Sen. Specter?

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